Days like this are the pits. Today exactly 2 years ago was the day that changed my life forever.
A pain, concern, trip to hospital, overnight stay, gallstones prediction, tests, a day later – all changed – problems arose and then the news.
I still cant quite believe it. How did this happen. this is not the way its supposed to be. Why?? To be honest, its all still a bit hazy. But I do know that my body was ripped apart. Part of me knew this was serious and part of me kept things positive. I will never forget when I was sitting on the bed in the hospital and saw 2 doctors waking toward us, they could have been going to at least 4 other people, but I knew, they were coming to us. I just knew. They stood there and told us what they had found in the tests, and till the day that I die, the look of fear that I saw that day will be with me forever. I did not know what to do. What do you do ?? What do you say ?? the fear was overwhelming.
As long as I live, I have to say this day will be with me forever. The only saving grace was the fact that we had hope!! We were given hope. So it was going to be ok!! Little did I know that within 10 week, we would be at a funeral.
I sometimes think of this day, and always it brings such pain, I think we can work things out with every other factor in life, but when it comes to something like this, it simply does not work. I thought this day would never come, we were supposed to live and become old, old together, and have each other till the end. Life is not like that it seems, now I am on my own to face the old adage of "Old Age"
If I could change things at all, I would change the way I reacted, instead of trying to be brave for both of us, I should have just hugged the guts out of my special mate and should have held on to him till the day that he left me. Instead I tried to do the right thing and be the strong one. I wish I could do that now, even for a second…..