Over the last few weeks I have become more and more frustrated with conversations that lead into being told how to move on. I am not ready to move on, at all. The anger it brings to me is huge. Seemingly one of the stages of grief is anger but I thought that was anger at the person who left but maybe Im wrong. I am nearly on the defensive at this stage.
Only the other day I met an aquantance. She asked me how I was, I told her, replying the now normal way, saying “Im Ok”. Then, she started, telling me – sure, its time now to start your own life, time to move on and not be dwelling on the past, time to make a life for myself and forget about what used to be. I swear, if ever I had the urge to punch someone, it was then, it was a good thing I was on a main street of a local town, otherwise, well!!!!.
Just to be clear, my life as it was is not in the past, it is very much in the present, at this stage I am lonely, I am distraught of being alone now. I dont want it to be like that and I dont like it at all, I know my life is different now, I am sure I will get used to it, but for the moment, leave me alone. I will become less sensitive I’m sure over time but for the moment, I implore people to shut up when it comes to advice and guidence. I am not ready yet and probably never will be able to put that vast amount of years in a box and not talk about it. My rant is over now and I want to say to you that I’m Ok – I havnt said that today yet so I will get it out of the way for now. Hopefully.