Who would think that those 2 little words would become a part of daily life.
"How are you" they ask "I'm Ok" I say
That's the way it goes no matter who asks. I am ok, I am standing, I am functioning, I am out and about, I look like I am performing normal tasks, I am smiling, I am maybe even laughing, I am going to the bank, I am shopping or whatever I am doing when this question is posed. But the truth is, I am not ok, not even near ok. When I give that reply, and the conversation ends, my instinct is to run after the person, grab them by the arm and shout, "I am not ok" " I am far from ok, my heart is broken in pieces so how could I be ok". But I don't. I just carry on doing whatever I am doing and look composed while inside I am crushed. Eye contact doesnt exist usually when this happens and the quicker the answer I find the quicker the conversation is moved on. Ok is the normal answer I hear but at no stage in my life at this time am I ok or anywhere near it. I am not ok and how I would love to say how I really feel but that is just not an option.
"OK" while one of the smallest words there is, it is a word that is my enemy now. 2 letters that I find is the answer to a question which in my case is the completely wrong answer, why do I do it well people mean well, and thats the way it is so I understand that! The last thing I want to do is to make people feel more awkard than they already do.