Its been a while..

As the title says its been a while since I have posted on the blog. Its not because I have forgotten and its not because I have moved on, its simply because I have been busy and I have had so many changes in my life this year that I have not had the inclination to sit and write. I dont know why but there again I dont have reasons for a lot these days.

Im not sure if its because its been 4 and half years since that dreadful day or because of the house move and going back to work but this year has been so different. I have said it before, if only there was a guide book for this. When I say different I dont mean that my heart is not still broken, I mean because I can go and do something with a clear head, my mind will still wander back but I am getting better at acting normal and a little better at feeling normal. But in the background its there and I guess it will be for a long time and maybe forever. Who knows. At least I get a breather now. If anyone had told me this I would not have believed them but let someone become your soul mate and thats the way it is. The breather time has its own problems because there is a pang of guilt about it, I know that its probably normal but its there.

The single life is becoming the norm for me now, I always like a bit of alone time as did my mate but we were never too far away from each other, heck we were in the same house having that alone time. Now I am having that alone time all the time and while I am getting used to it, I never will be totally comfortable with it. I will do it because I have to and thats the only reason, but theres one thing for sure I hate it with a passion. After 4 years I am still grieving but in a different way, I cannot see an end to it but I am getting better at it thats all I can say.

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