Today out shopping, I see the shops are stocking up for Christmas. Its been the same since I remember and its something I always loved to see. Its October still, but its started and people are starting to take notice.
Christmas in my house was the best time of year, right from the beginning. It was always top of the list for spending and it never let us down throughout all the years and although we never had enough money, we somehow managed to get through it and have the best time.
This is the second one on my own, I cant remember last year, Christmas Day last year is a blur, I can remember about 3 little snippets from the day, but I do remember I had no interest in the build up and I couldnt have cared less about the whole thing.
This year it seems to be no different, I am looking at the decorations and gifts etc in the shops and not getting it, there is no glitter where there used to be glitter, there is no anticipation, there is no excitement, there is nothing, simply that – nothing. My favourite time of the year is gone, today when I left the shop I wondered will it ever come back, do I want it to, why would I want it to. I know I need to be interested for the sake of my family, but for myself I will never again look forward to the joy of Christmas. Its was our time once and now it will never be my time simply because I dont want it anymore. I am struggling to learn to live life in a different way and it is hard work, too hard some days. Christmas just makes me sad now.