I am in a delemma now and its nearly causing a panic everyday. The world is moving and moving fast. Things have moved on and everyone is on to the next disaster, the next news, talking about the recent woes and in general I suppose living each day as normal. What's wrong with that you may ask. It's a good and healthy way to live.
Well its not true in my case. I am watching the world live its life and it seems to be moving ahead so far from me that I feel I am being left behind and standing alone. I am not moving on, my feet are firmly stuck in the place where my heart is broken, where my life feels empty and where there is a big gap that cannot be filled. I have days that I just want to curl up and escape to somewhere that life can be normal for even 5 minutes. Each day is a trial, I feel I am doing things that are expected of me, I am doing things that look normal, I am even acting normal. When I meet people the conversation is light and I chat like a normal person. Everyone thinks I am getting on with it.
The truth is I am not. I am not even close. Few ask how I am, few mention how things are now, and thats ok, I dont expect people to dwell on me but I want to go to that place but the train has left the station and I have missed it.. The station has closed and it has shut down permanently so there are no more trains. I am left at the station on my own. Thats my life now and I am learning to live with it.