6 months on, and it was necessary to call a taxi home on my own. I cant tell you how vunerable I feel in situations like this at the moment. Even situations I would have been in on my own before somehow are different now. Maybe this will change but I think it will be a long time coming. Anyway, taxi booked, and arrived, couldnt come down the road I was on so walked up to the corner where the taxi was parked. Got in and we took off home. I lived about 4 miles away so about 15 mins would get me there. We chatted for a while and I started to check my phone for messages and emails. What happened next I have no idea. All of a sudden I didnt recognise where we were, I presumed we were on the N11 but it didnt look familiar, started chatting again and the driver asked why I kept mentioning my hometown, I said thats where we were going, he said no I had mentioned a different place completely and we were on the M50, far away from where home was. I felt sick, what was going on, why didnt I notice, what was I doing that I didnt see this, the driver got very irritated and started blaming me. I knew he couldnt turn around immediately and had to wait for a turn off to get back on the road home but it seemed like an age before we came to a crossover and he got us back on the road to where I should be going. The whole atmosphere in the car was tense, I cant even remember the journey home really, I do remember when he pulled up outside, he was still angry, I couldnt explain to him because I didnt know what had just happened, I didnt know how this could have happened, It was a complete blank, I just wanted to get out of the car and into my house to feel at least a little secure. I paid him way above what my fare should have been and I asked him to stop a few houses away and while I was walking he kept moving the taxi beside me talking to me, I actually said something rude to him and he pulled off.
I shut my front door and went to pieces, what just happened there, what? how? why? my head was bursting, I was scared, I was in shock, my whole body was shaking, I didnt know what was happening to me, I thought I was going mad. How can my mind be so mixed up and muddled to let something like this happen. To this day I dont know how this happened but when I think of it, I get a terrible scared feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was dangerous, I can see that now. When I need a taxi since then, I call someone I know. How my heart longs for a hug when I think of this.