I really hate weekends now with a passion.
I used to love them, it was a time to relax and get away from the routine of the long week, now its 2 long days that drag and are filled with nothing mostly. Being a widow lands you in a vacant place because everyone is getting on with their own weekends. I have come to the conclusion that being widow is a 9 -5 weekday issue regarding other people, then nights and weekends you are on your own. Its always been like that I suppose, its only now I can see it like that.
I miss the weekends we did nothing, I miss the weekends we did something, I miss the weekends the way they were. The 2 days can be so long, I swear extra hours are added sometimes. Then every so often there is the bank holiday weekends and they are just cruel. And I hate them. The longest part are the afternoons, endless and to be honest I could use that time to get some necessary jobs done, but when I am feeling like this, nothing happens, which is silly really you would think because doing something would make the time go quicker but the mind doesnt work like that and I end up roaming around getting more depressed while everyone else in the world is with their lovely partners. Well, maybe not lovely in all cases but in my mind they are.
I’m tired of being alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week even though sometimes there are people present. I realise this might offend some people and everything in my life is not terrible, and I can be happy some of the time but today I am not, today I am longing for something that will never be. I just miss my old life, my old mate, my old feeling of closeness that always made me feel special. Now I just need to carry on like its ok. Sure its only a day and a half till monday.