Wishful Thinking

This is something that I now know can be in the head of anyone of any age. It is something that has certainly been in my head over the last few months. A child might say, can he just come back for a day, or an hour, how little minds are so innocent that they might think like that.

Well, it's not only children think that way. I can't tell you the amount of times I have stood in my kitchen over the last year and looked at the door and mentally and physically wished for the door to open. I have sat in my living room watching tv and looked at the glass door to the kitchen and willed to look and see what I want to see. This is not rational I know, but the actual wish is so strong that it is painful. I have even closed my eyes and hoped, yes actually hoped that when I opened them – all would be alright and all would be back to normal. But, it never happens and I know it will never happen but I still do it regularly.

Our minds are so complex and I think my mind has been working on its own for some time now. It will probably become more relaxed as time passes but at the moment it nearly has me scared. Its certainly not rational or ordered, its not doing what I am telling it to do and it really is making me feel like I am a little unstable.

If only it had a switch, then I could turn it off for a couple of hours a day to have a rest. I get tired of trying sometimes, trying to function normally, trying to appear I am functioning normally, and above all trying to try to carry on normally.

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