Day by Day

I get up in the morning and it's there, I go through the day and it's there, I go to bed at night and it's there. For years and years life was the same, even with the turmoils that came our way, some small and some huge, we still knew that everything was an outside thing and the two of us were solid. Dont get me wrong, we werent blissful 24/7 365 but we were happy, we were together, we knew each other, we loved each other, we were one. Now days are different, they are strange, they dont feel real somehow. I cant really explain it to you, but it seems to continue and doesn't seem to let up at all. Maybe a way to explain it is – my life is going on inside the house and everything appears normal but I am looking at myself doing normal things through the window. So I am not really there. Thats how I feel, I cant get the feeling I am in the moment. I am constantly on watchout, I am constantly feeling sad, I am contantly not part of anything because the person who made it real is not there.

People tell me this will change, I cant help wanting it to be sooner rather than later, but then I panic and dont ever want it to change. I do believe it is a pain I want to keep and need to keep during this time, that way I wont forget, yes, I know, I will never forget but I am afraid I will, so I am not letting go in case……

How do I progress, being half a person, how do I become a full person with only the ingredients for half a person. Where do I get the ingredients to make the full person I used to be or maybe its really how do I use the ingredients I have to expand from half a person to fit a full person. This is huge in my head and there is no answer there for me yet.

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