I have mentioned to a few that I have not had a dream about us together. Well, thats not quite true, I had 2 but while a body was there, there was never a face or a look.
The other night I had the most amazing dream, we were together just like always and carrying on as normal. Strangely though I knew in the dream it was going to be short lived. I knew it was temporary. What is that about I wonder. As clearly as you could ever imagine, there he was, talking, smiling and being fussy. Just as he always was. He said he would have to be around the following day, so I asked him if he was staying the night, but he answered with a shrug like he didnt know. Yet he was adament he was staying till the next day. We attended a function, and skipped off in the middle to have something to eat and then back to the function. When we were heading off to get something to eat, I was yapping with someone and there he was looking out the window of the car with that look he used to have when he wanted me to hurry up. The very same look he always had. The look I would give anything to see again. We talked, laughed and were a couple like we always were, how does that happen, why, and will it happen again. Above all, why isnt it still happening everyday like it should be.
Never has a dream been so real. I remember it so well. It was lovely. Its was right. When I woke, there he was for a split second and then he was gone. Needless to say the day that followed was horrendous. A feeling of loss and sadness just took over and I just wished and wished all day. I just needed a hug like never before.
Then to bed again and guess what, another dream, thats 2 nights in a row, but it was not as clear and I cannot really remember it too well. But the night before will stay with me for a while.
I wish I could dream like that every night, then maybe I could feel some of the closeness that was with me for so many years, that feeling is the thing I miss most, that feeling is the one that causes the horrific lonliness that is part of my life now. So if I never dream again, I have that night to remember.