Its Fast Approaching

Well its fast approaching now. Thats Christmas by the way and its proving to be so difficult. As I have said in a previous post I remember very little about last year so this is like the first Christmas I am on my own for over 37 years.

I can tell you now its horrendous. I am missing my pal like crazy. I miss it all, I miss feeling of lovliness that Christmas brought to my house. I miss the hussle and bussle it brought. I miss the calculations and the conversations about what has to be done and what is left to be done in order to make it another Christmas to remember. It wasnt always perfect I suppose, we got it wrong sometimes maybe but mostly we got it right and above all we did our very very best every year to make it good. I sincerely mean that, we always worked our butts off to make Christmas a special time for our children. Our children were our world, end of story and that was how it was for both of us.

I wish I could find it in me somewhere to get even a little of that feeling, I just cannot get into the whole thiing that says Christmas. I miss it all, I am heartbroken, I am so so sad. I am trying everyday to be normal but I have lost the meaning of normal. I know what I have to do, I have a list, I am ticking off everything on the list as I go, I am joining in with everything but I can honestly say, my heart is in another place.

Our soul was joined so on that day I said goodbye, my soul was divided and part of it went too.

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