Emotions

I wonder if anyone else has the same problem as me. Over the last 2 years I seem to have lost the ability to be emotional or feel emotions, well, maybe I mean, a little emotion is there but feeling emotions deep down is just not happening. Its strange and a little bit scary really. …

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The Dash

I was at a family funeral yesterday. so so sad.  Life is so cruel sometimes. In a conversation with a relative this poem  was mentioned and I heard for the first time that it was actually read by the priest at our funeral mass. I absolutely have no memory of it.  This morning I googled …

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Changing but the Same

Over the last while, I seem to be changing, when I say changing I mean I can now look back and not collapse into a pile of mush. I can look back and feel sorrow, feel loss, feel sorry for the things I didnt say or do, but above all feel so so lonely. That …

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There are no words

I am having a bad time this week and as the title of this post says, there are no words for it. Things have changed a little now, feelings of grief and lonliness come in moments, moments that can last 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months. Earlier in the year from about February till June, …

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Dreams to Remember

I have mentioned to a few that I have not had a dream about us together. Well, thats not quite true, I had 2 but while a body was there,  there was never a face or a look. The other night I had the most amazing dream, we were together just like always and carrying …

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A New Life

One of the most exciting times in our long life together was when our granddaughter was born 4 years ago. I dont think I had seen such excitement in his eyes since our own children were born. He was born to be a Dad and he was a great Dad, no doubt about it. If …

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Surrounding Space

Over the last few weeks a lot of things have been happening. I am performing as a fully grown up person and to all looking on, I am coping.  Well thats not the case, I feel like a I think a child might feel on the first day of school. Lets see can I explain …

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Another Time

Its already a time that seems to be far removed from my past life.  When I think about all thats happened to me, I think its all in the present, but its not and while I know this is not the case, I am prepared to think that way. What’s the alternative, say it’s not …

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A time of turmoil

Over the last few weeks I seemed to have been shot back in time. I am unable to perform the simplest of tasks. I am all over the place. I feel that everything is against me. While there is still a lot of things to be sorted, it seems that the last 2 years have …

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The Eve of 2 Years

Well, who can believe that 2 years has passed. It is unbelieveable really. Where did that time go. I cannot remember at least half of it. The first year is just a haze and anything that happened in the second year is vague too. I remember and then again I cant remember. The 2 years …

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