The Eve of 2 Years

Well, who can believe that 2 years has passed. It is unbelieveable really. Where did that time go. I cannot remember at least half of it. The first year is just a haze and anything that happened in the second year is vague too. I remember and then again I cant remember. The 2 years is like a lump of time that I went into and out of all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m ok at all, I am all over the place for the last week. I dont know where I am at at this stage. Should I be better, should I have moved on, should I be more into the path of the new life ahead of me. The truth is that tonight I am back in the first throes of grief. I am feeling the loss as strong as the first week. I am devastated, I am hurting like never before. This grief is so strong that I am wrapped in a blanket that covers my entire body which screams loss, screams of what I miss, sreams longing for the life that I knew for so long, screams longing for someone who I miss so much. My heart is broken, my soul seems to have abandoned me. Whatever will I do now. Do I want to get over this really. If I do what will that be like. Oh how I yearn for a hug.

Life will never be the same again. I know that but will it ever be bearable, I hope it will and I hope I will at some stage be able to function as a person who is in control, but until that day dawns, I am in this place where I exist only.

Love to you xxx from me xxx

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