Where do I fit ?

While the days move on and you think you have come across all things for the first time, there is now another new thing.

Yesterday I filled in a form and when asked name, address etc all good. Then came the status question. Married? Single? Divorced? etc but nowhere for me.

Now you could say that I am single but really am I, I am, I am not really. You see I dont feel single, I still feel married. That will or might change with time. At this moment in time I am not single. What do I do with this, the answer is nothing. I know I am single but somehow I feel I am betraying most of my life. You could say I have no place, no title so I suppose I am a Ms. There are worse things but I still want to be known as widowed. Its a terrible word and one I wish I didnt have to consider but thats what I am. I dont want to be single just yet. Its like its putting me in a different place, a different status but sure its only in print so I am not going to worry about it.

Now I have to embrace the single world and yikes its scary. Its a learning curve. I need to get with the programme and try my best to find a place I am comfortable in with my own company. My family have grown and I sometimes feel I am back in the place I was before I met my mate. Only difference is this time I am more wise. I am more lonely, that is new because I wasnt lonely before. I have to strive to do things my way again and find complete satisfaction with that. I am only starting on that road, I have to make an effort and its a long one so here goes.

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