This is to be my final post on my blog. Not because I am moving on but because I am in a new place now and I am looking forward and bringing my past with me instead of moving backwards as I have done for many a year now. The blog posts have spanned 7 years and they portray different feeling over that time. No post was edited, all are how I was feeling at that time.
In the past year of this pandemic, I have missed my mate more and more as the year went by, I missed the company, I missed having my best friend, I missed the sense of being a couple. During the first lockdown, I stopped for a while going for walks at the weekend because all I was meeting was couples. Wasn’t the case really but more I was picking out the couples.
I am at a stage now thankfully that I can enjoy myself again, I have just had a birthday and it was one of the best, my family went beyond and while it was simple, it was wonderful.
I just feel though that I am still grieving, maybe I always will. Really hate the question ‘Are you looking to meet someone’ , its nobodys business. Some move on happily meeting another partner. Well my situation is, I am not looking, I am happy on my own, I enjoy my own company and that of my good friends, children and grandchildren. My children are the best, I know they have my back and thats a wonderful feeling. They are so good to me.
The truth is, I gave 100% as did my mate. I had found my soulmate and I know I will never do that again, I dont want to do that again. I am not prepared to do that again. I had it and I lost it, so for that reason I am not looking. This is the first time in my life I have been on my own and thats ok.
I loved my husband, I am still in love with my husband, and while I am sad I know I almost had it all.
I have got somewhat used to my new life, I know life will never be the same, I know my weekends are for myself it seems, I know my meetups will most likely be on weekdays, I know my social life will be on a week night, I know all this and mostly Im fine with it but the odd time I crave for normality and the old days when the weekend was to best time.
On that note I bid you farewell and thanks for listening.